Is It Over Yet?

May has been one f*cking emotional month.  I will not be sorry to see it go.

Only 11 more days to go.  Don't let the door bang your butt on the way out, May.

What Balance?

My life is in transition now.  For the first time in 36.5 years I find myself with no children living in fairly close proximity.  They are both in other states. And although I am happy for them and wish them all happiness, love and adventures ~~ it's a little weird for me.

Couple that with the fact that for about eight months now (not discounting the 3.5 years prior to that - but the last eight have been intense) I have been going 100 mph with my work and I feel burnout coming.

Finding balance is impossible for me. Because I've always prided myself on my drive to succeed, my work ethic, my ambition and my dedication to customer service (individuals and shops I work with).  I don't know how to do anything halfway.

So, yeah.  That's pretty much me.   Because I also do this

So this new phase of my life ~ the true "empty nester" phase ~ which shouldn't really feel that much different because we haven't had a child actually living with us for over 15 years ~ does feel different.

And I find myself thinking this more and more...

Now if I could just turn off the voices from my childhood telling me to "always be productive." 

Just Go With It.

I promised myself I wouldn't whine about the snow again today.  It started snowing yesterday afternoon, continued thru the night and is still coming down at 9 am. And it's April 23.

That kind of sounded like whining, didn't it?  Ok, so my whining reminds me of a quote I read recently:

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on Earth. Then I ask myself the same question."
*Harun Yahya*

As much as I yearn to live near the big blue ocean 

and aspire to live that quote ~ and I do in my head ~ in real life it's not practical.  Gah.  I hate being practical. 

The mister and I have jobs, we have a home, we have four-legged people with fur, we have elderly parents ~ all of whom depend on us to be there when they need us.  We have responsibilities.

I'm the lucky one who can do what I do from anywhere in the country.  And although the mister can access clients from anywhere in the country, he also needs to be available to be on site physically when needed.

I am realizing that at almost 60 some of my dreams may have to remain just that ~ dreams.  My days of changing things in my life every three or four years are gone.  We know now that - providing we are fortunate to stay in good health - we have about 15+ years to work like hell and bank it.  We are the type of people who will never "retire" because we love what we do.  But someday it will be nice to slow the pace a bit; take a little more time off to spend near my beloved oceans.

So I had a bit of an epiphany this morning. The quote "Bloom where you are planted" is so cliche and a bit saccharin for my taste but it's kind of where I'm at.  

And I could be in worse places. Denver is a cool city

We are a short drive from the gorgeous mountains I moved here for 39 years ago

And at the end of my street I have space to wander 

I'm a two hour flight from the Pacific I love

So for the next few years we will feather our nest and make our home completely ours, exactly how we want it.  (Finally)

We will make a concerted effort to balance work and play more

And remember that life can change in a heartbeat.  And when you make plans, God laughs. And everything I just wrote could be irrelevant tomorrow.

See?  I still thrive on change.  Gah.