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Colorado, United States

Thursday, August 29, 2013

58 years, 8 months and 29 days ~ or there abouts

I'll be turning 59 in a couple of months and when the early morning hours nudged me awake a bit ago, I laid in bed and thought about that for awhile. 

When I started this blog and decided to call it "Walking on the Edge of the Knife" it was because I had recently visited an inspirational Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the Denver Art Museum. Little did I know how prophetic that phrase would turn out to be...

My 58th year has been unlike any other. There have been rewarding, challenging, surprising, exhausting, happy and fun times ~ both professionally and personally.  Some of it I can talk about; some I can't.  Mixed in have been days of sadness, days of fear, days of confusion. Some of it I can talk about; some I can't.  

Probably the same could be said of any life.  Everyone's life is a mixture of good and... not so good.  The thing I am seeing, though, looking down the road into my 6th decade is ~ everything has an expiration date.  Everything. 

My youthful sense of immortality no longer exists and I am left with these questions: How do I make the most of what I have left?  How do I come to terms with what The Universe has brought me? How do I make the world a better place for others and at the same time, make my days personally fulfilling?

My daily calendar pops up on my screen and along with my usual reminders to pay this bill, make this appointment is a reminder that our Anniversary is in 6 days. 

20 years... don't they go by in a blink...

And there's the reminder to call my doctor to follow up on some things. Things that weren't even on my radar a year ago are now daily thoughts.

And the reminder that every day is Christmas in the studio now - get crackin'. I don't have as many 3 am anxiety attacks over my work as I used to. I've settled into a comfortable routine ~ a nice repertoire with my shop owners and customers. I've become more organized and more efficient so my stress level isn't where it used to be when it comes to my Whee Ones (and holiday time in particular). But still ~ Christmas is in, like, three days. At least in my head.   

Call Mom - as I usually do on Thursdays.

I don't see my Mom often ~ she's in Iowa and I'm in Colorado. I will see her in a couple of weeks to celebrate with her as she turns 95. And I am left wondering ~ will it be her last birthday? Or will she be like her friend, Mildred, who at 102 just recently gave up living independently and moved into an assisted living facility.

One thing I don't need to see on my calendar, because it is in my mind constantly is ~ check on Simba.  

At age 16 and a couple of weeks we have seen a steady decline in our girl's health in the past few days and we know her time with us is growing short. And it is breaking our hearts. Of course it is a fact that most humans outlive their pets. But it doesn't make it any easier to accept.

Everything ~ everyone ~ has an expiration date.

And no amount of love can change that.

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