The Circle Game

On this chilly winter morning with a purring cat balanced on my shoulder I perused articles on my Facebook page. I smiled knowingly as I read this article written by a young Mother of boys and my own memories came flooding back. I did a bit of writing when my boys were little and once wrote an essay on what it was like being the Mother of boys. (I wish I could find it...) Of course not having daughters I had no real way of comparing, but I knew little boys were special.

Unlike the woman in the article who has three sons, I only had two but they kept me on my toes. They grew up running with their dog - peanut butter sandwiches in hand - up and down mountain trials with [at least one of them] falling into streams. 

One summer we planted a garden from seed and they ate peas out of pods and green beans standing in the dirt. Winters we learned to ski with [at least one of them] riding the ski patrol sled to the bottom of the hill and visiting the on site doctor...

We swam in lakes and played bat and ball in the front yard. I taught them crafts and watched them draw dinosaurs. They built lofty Lego space stations and flew Millennium Falcons thru the stars. 

They thought I was a super hero when I squished a scorpion with a TV Guide as it was slinking dangerously close to their feet. We loved our cats (there were so many) and we loved our dogs and we loved our mountains.

And soon life will come full circle as my son welcomes his own little boy or little girl into the world. 

"And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We're captive on the carousel of time
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game."
[Joni Mitchell]

It's Kind of a Big Deal ~ This 2014 Thing.

2014. I read an intriguing question the other day. It simply said, "What would you do this year if you knew you only had this one year left to live?"  Wow.

This year is momentous on a personal level. 

In April I will celebrate 5 years in business with the Whee Ones® and cmh design LLC.

In September I will mark my 40th Anniversary living in my adopted home state of Colorado. (And 21 years married - 21... Vegas, baby)

In November I will turn 60 years old.

All of that, I would say, is cause for celebration and reflection. I've not really had time to do the reflecting part and the celebrations are in the offing.

But here is what I know:

* I am feeling that 5 year restlessness and wanderlust that sometimes comes with that 5 year mark of owning a business. I still like what I do. I am grateful to my shopkeepers and my customers. What I struggle with is the feeling that no matter how hard I work, I'm just kind of spinning my wheels. And the "making money" part?  Ha - that's funny. The "Oh it must be so nice to work at home and whenever you want" part? Ha - that's even funnier! So while I have no plan yet, I feel change in the wind. Maybe small; maybe not. I love what my friend Susan said to me once ~ life should be fluid.

* I love creating. I love new ideas and new projects. I love learning. Those things will never stop as long as I draw breath.

* I love Colorado but if you were to ask me at this time of year why I love it, I would respond, "Why am I not living within walking distance of the nearest beach where temps are about 85?" (Florida is out. Unless perhaps we talk Key West...) There's that wanderlust thing again...

* Colorado has been a blessing. I raised my boys here and I [hope] they had some fun growing up wandering the hills and valleys. I don't get to the mountains much these days (the reason I moved here - thank you very much, John Denver - in 1974), but I sure did in the past. Now I'm more citified and I get to galleries, museums, restaurants, delightful little shops and events around town more. 

* Colorado is by far one of the most beautiful places in the country to live and it [usually] has a very temperate climate. I fell in love with the big open blindingly blue sky and swear I can never live anywhere that doesn't have this same sky. 

* 60. I have no idea how to feel about that. I know that it used to sound old to me; now it sounds like a good friend; because most of mine are 60, or at least close. I do know that it has - already - prompted me to think some deep thoughts. Usually at the oddest times. Or to tear up. Usually at the oddest times. (And I am not a crier.) I don't know if that means I'm sensing my mortality or what. Whatever it is I want it to pass but I suspect it will be with me for at least most of this year.

* I know I do not like receiving mail inviting me to check out the new Assisted Living complex down the road. What year are we in? When did turning 60 mean you're ready for The Home?

* It's a scary thought to think that - best case scenario - 2/3 of my life is behind me. If longevity is in my genes and I'm a little kinder to my body than I have been I could have another 30 years. My Mom is 95 and going strong. But maybe I do hear the clock ticking a little... I really do need to make the most of each day. And for Pete's sake get this idea that I must always be doing something productive out of my head and out of my life. Period.

All that said:

* I promise myself to eat fewer potatoes. Potatoes are bad. Mashed potatoes are my crack. Only green veggies for 2014.
* I promise to take a little time each day to do something I enjoy on a personal level. Not domestic chores, not work, not taking care of the pets... something I enjoy just for fun.
* I promise to find a way to incorporate more travel into my life. There's always a way.
* And I say this every damn year - I promise to find balance between my professional life and my personal life.
* I promise to shoot more. Dust off some of my cameras and lenses I don't use and put them in a regular rotation. Shoot randomly. Shoot with a purpose. Just shoot.
* I promise to take more day trips.

And not one mention of the resolutions I made every year for the longest time ~~ quit smoking (I did in 1999); lose weight (I lost 28.5 lbs. in the last quarter of 2013); cut back on drinking (I love my wine, but yes, I have cut back); exercise more (Kizzie gets me out for 3 walks a day and that will improve as the weather improves!).

I promise to blog more. It's really just kind of a journal so I probably say too much - forgetting that the world sees this. But maybe I will reach someone who can relate. Or at least be humoured. Thanks for listening.

xoxo, me

Adios 2013. You Were Quite the Ride...

Before we are too far into 2014 and I tell myself I don't have time for this because there are 10 other things I am "supposed" to be doing ~ I want to reflect for a moment on 2013. Most of it was as unlucky as one might expect with the number 13 involved...

I think it all started with Boda.

When my son moved to Austin in May it wasn't in the cards to take Boda Kitty with him so The Mister and I happily welcomed her into our family. Four days later after our Vet discovered cancer and a large mass on her liver, we said an extremely tearful goodbye to beautiful Boda.

My son leaving and moving out of state was emotional for me as well. After college he had opted to live near home and for the first time in my 22 year relationship with my husband, we had no children in town. We were truly empty-nesters. Not that any of that is bad; it was just an adjustment. 

June, July and August brought biopsies and ultrasounds and diagnostic tests to see if, indeed, cancer was roaming around my body. I'm the lucky one; it wasn't. But the whole summer was fraught with stress, anxiety and fear.

September rolled around and we knew that our time with our beloved 16 year old dog, Simba, was coming to an end. Our girl just wasn't there anymore. Our Vet suspected a brain tumour as messages from her brain just weren't getting thru. She couldn't remember how to go up steps and eventually she couldn't remember how to eat. On September 3 we made one of the most devastating decisions we have ever had to make and said a final goodbye to our sweet girl. The grief was overwhelming and consumed us for days. We didn't know how - or why - the world kept on spinning...

For some reason ~ who knows why except maybe The Universe thought we deserved a break ~ things took a turn for the better near the end of September. We took a trip ~ one that had been planned for months but the timing was perfect ~ we needed new scenery and a reason to celebrate. And celebrate we did! We, and 100 of her closest's friends, celebrated the life of someone so dear, so loved ~ my Mom, happy and healthy, as she turned 95.

The clouds started clearing and the sun broke thru after that. Life began to look a little happier. That is probably what led us to almost instinctively and on auto-pilot stop by the local shelter one evening and walk thru the dog kennels. We didn't speak of it but we both knew -- we were not leaving without a dog. And indeed, it was Kismet.

And in that moment, life changed. Everything changed. Joy came into our lives as she jumped deep into our hearts, settled in and opened up shop.

A month later the puppets I had shed blood, sweat and tears (literally!) over from January thru March came to life in the form of an Apple iPad App called Puppet Play. And there was my name for all to see. Wow.

Later that month my Austin son made a visit and our time together was like putting on old slippers and wrapping a warm blanket around us.

The Mister and I closed out the year alone - together - doing our favorite things ~ watching movies, making delicious food ~ relaxing and taking time off from our crazy, hectic work lives.

And then there was the surprise of the year ~ losing 28 lbs (and counting). All due to giving up dairy, chocolate, eggs, most gluten and most soy. Who knew? 

So a year that ~ for the most part ~ sucked, it turned out alright. My faith in love and luck and laughter has been restored. Gratitude for good friends and a loving family in place. Even though my sons, now adults, recognize I am flawed, they like me anyway. The Mister is still my best friend and confidant. My love for my little dog is ridiculous. Now two days into 2014 I am still pondering where I want to go in this brave new year, who I want to be. 

So that post is on hold for the time being.  Adios 2013. It was a ride.

The Absolute Best Feeling in the World

I'm becoming that old lady. You know - the one that carries her little dog around in a bag with rhinestones on it. 

And we're becoming those old farts who travel with their little dogs everywhere. (Yes, I said dogs - we don't have a friend for Kizzie yet but we're thinking it's kind of inevitable). Next thing you know we'll be driving around in an RV.

After our Vet recommended using a harness for Kizzie when we walk her I have spent hours searching online for the perfect harness for her - comfort is the #1 priority. And then I realized - wait - we're heading into winter and she's already wearing her coat on our morning and evening walks.

But now I need one that has the buckles on the back to hook up her leash - a coat with harness if you will. More hours of research.

I was out most of the day today - the first time I've left Kizzie alone for several hours since she joined our family a week ago.  A couple of hours in I was literally having separation anxiety. This is ridiculous.

While my hair was turning blonde I received a text from The Mister. All it said was, "How is Kizzie." We're hopeless.

But the errands needed to be run ~ and I found a coat w/harness and a promising comfy harness at - of all places - Home Goods. Isn't that where everyone shops for their pet?

My hair was in desperate need of shaping and blonding - so that was a necessary 2.5 hours.

Then I fought rush hour traffic - taking short cuts where I could because I couldn't wait to get home.

And wow. I don't think there is a better feeling in the world than walking thru the door and a 10.8 lb bundle of fur dances and jumps and the tail wags and she can't wait to be picked up and there are puppy kisses and oh my ~ it's wonderful!

I'm hopeless. 

And I love these little dancing, jumping, cuddling feet.

Oh, It is Kismet.

My blog is quickly turning into "My Life with Kizzie."

Kizzie had her first visit yesterday with our wonderful Vet, Dr. Brenda Eisenhauer.  Even though Brenda's clinic, Parkside Animal Health Center has only been open for two years, we've been thru a lot together. She helped us say goodbye to Boda Kitty; she offered tissues and hugs when we said goodbye to Simba. We've shared a lot of tears.

So when Brenda walked into the exam room yesterday and saw Kizzie sitting blissfully between The Mister and me ~ she literally jumped up and down. The room was filled with joy.

Not only did Kizzie receive a clean bill of health, but ~ get this. The whole kismet thing has come full circle. Brenda works a couple of days a week at the Denver Dumb Friends League. Kizzie had a tooth removed while she was living there (last Monday). The Sunday prior to Kizzie's surgery, Brenda had been pulled aside by Ben (who hooked us up with Kizzie). He begged her to take a look at a special little dog to see if she needed to have a tooth extracted.

Yes, the special little dog was Kizzie.

Brenda didn't do the surgery but examined her and recommended the tooth come out. So when she was sitting on the floor yesterday checking Kizzie out she had an "aha" moment. "I know this dog!"

And... we're full circle and back to why Kizzie's formal name is Kismet.

And then this happened.  You all saw this coming.

Yup. That's Kizzie. In our bed. 

I have to admit it was nice to sleep in a little. I'm convinced she would stay there all day if we did. I'm sure we've created a monster ~ I have no doubt this will be a habit.

Our early morning walk was crisp and beautiful.

Kizzie quickly reminded me that although we donned our coats and hats, we failed to put her new coat on her. It was a short walk with shiver baby.

Next walk ~ the coat's on!

No, No, No said Kizzie

Kizzie and I went for a walk this morning. I was reminded how happy I am that she came into my life before this Autumn left. We came across several piles of leaves and I thought, hmmmm... wouldn't that make a lovely backdrop for a Kizzie portrait...

Kizzie is definitely photogenic. I should start carrying my Canon but right now I'm just remembering how to juggle a leash and a cell phone. So here's how our little photo shoot went.

I got Kizzie to sit but she said, No, No, No to posing.

(Go ahead. Get Amy Winehouse out of your head now.)

There was something behind her that was very interesting.

So I shot the top of her head for awhile.

Then I decided to hold my phone upside down 

and shoot her in the direction she was turning.

I seemed to be on to something...

And then she was done. ;-)

I think in time we'll be a good team.  Practice, patience ~ oh and probably treats. ;-)  Good girl, Kizzie.

Lessons in Love

And just like that life got oh so much better.

Kizzie makes me go outside. And suddenly I remember how beautiful nature is.

Returning home from a dentist appointment yesterday I was reminded how wonderful it is to walk in the door and see a little furball shaking with so much excitement she can barely contain herself.  The only thing cuter was watching her later in the day... She already knows the sound of the garage door and that means something good is going to happen. When she heard that around 5:00 yesterday I watched her leap from her studio bed and sit at the top of the stairs in anticipation. Is it Dad? Is Dad home?

And she wasn't disappointed! The door opened and she heard, "Kizzie!  Kizzie where are you?"  She tore down the stairs and jumped up and down - "Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Dad's home!"

And, of course, that meant another walk was in order - even though it was a little confusing with both Mom and Dad.

Before we knew it we had covered several blocks!

After that it was time for Kizzie's first bath.

And despite her look of terror, she rather enjoyed it and didn't squeak a peep!

I towel-dried her and put her down and immediately - as is her wont - 

she jumped right smack dab into a pile of pillows.

She started to shiver so we lit the fire so she could warm up. The caveat being - since she is often kind of glued to my hip, I had to sit on the floor next to her so she would stay on her bed.  

And her reward for being such a good girl?  Brand spankin' new collar and her very own pink name tag - complete with Swarovski crystals. Only the best for our girl.

That being said, however ~ 

whoever said diamonds are a girl's best friend, 

never owned a dog.

To Love a Dog...

When Simba died a couple of months ago the grief was overwhelming. I moved thru life aimlessly for days. When The Mister and I could finally start talking about it and slowly moving beyond our sorrow we talked about maybe someday adopting another dog. Someday. That was a step for me because I had always said ~ when Simba is gone, I don't want another dog.

One friend told me ~ I know you are grieving but I hope you don't wait too long to adopt another dog. There are so many dogs out there who need love and you two have so much love to give.

Another friend recommended just walking thru the kennel. If there is some soul there you are supposed to have, Simba will guide you.

Another friend said ~ there is no timeline on when to adopt another dog. Trust your feelings.

As time progressed we talked about waiting a year ~ let's do some travel while we're not tied down, etc. Big talk. Because soon it was ~ well, we do have a couple of reliable petsitters when we travel... maybe in the spring, after the snow is past.

So no one was more surprised than me when a couple of weeks ago I found myself yearning for canine companionship. I never saw this coming. I realized, though, that at this stage in my life I'm working from home ~ I'm here almost every single day. And I was used to having a buddy in the studio with me. She was comfort and good for a laugh now and then. She reminded me to take a break, go for a little walk and get outside to clear my head.

Soon the talk turned to ~ well I have a birthday coming up (November 8). The Mister asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I said, "A dog."

"What kind of dog?"

"The one in the shelter who needs the most love."

Of course we didn't wait for my birthday. Yesterday late afternoon we were out and about and he says, "Would you like to stop by The Dumb Friends League?"

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"I guess so."

When we pull up in front of the building we notice a tall friendly staff member walking a cute little dog. Neither one of us said anything but commented to each other later that we both noticed the dog.

Once inside we checked in at the front desk and the same dog is on a leash behind the guy (his name was Ben) helping us. Again - we both told each other later that we had the same thought - we kind of wanted to see that dog. We chatted with Ben, telling him about our beloved Simba - a basenji/blue heeler who had recently passed.

Off we go to walk thru the kennels with our little check sheet.  We walk thru two or three times and began making notes. We could list 4 dogs we would like to visit with. They were all beginning to look the same except for one ~ Sophia. So we decided, let's start with her. And, honestly, she was the only one we were truly interested in.

As we are walking up to the desk Ben stopped us and said, "I have the perfect dog for you two. Come here and just take a look at her on the computer ~ it's not a great picture, but she's a rat terrier mix and just the sweetest thing. So mellow, so loving. She was almost adopted yesterday but the couple needed a super hypo-allergenic dog and she just wasn't quite right."

We looked at the picture of this sweet dog he was going on about and that's when the tears started forming. 

It was Sophia. And Sophia was the one we had seen outside when we pulled in. And Sophia was the dog behind the check-in desk.

We looked at Ben and said, "You're not going to believe this. She is the only one we wanted to see."

Ben was so happy. We were so stunned. So as we waited in the little visitation room - sitting on the floor waiting for Sophia - there were more tears. It just seemed like we were being lead by the hand to adopt this dog. Oh, Simba...

Of course our meeting went well. Of course it did! And I knew after the first time she smothered The Mister in puppy kisses it was all over.

How could anyone resist that face?

We had a serious heart-to-heart about her living with us.

We learned that Sophia's one and only owner had to give her up because he was forced to move to a smaller apartment that didn't take dogs. She is so well-behaved it's obvious she was loved. She is 5.5 years old but we don't care. She's perfect.

She visits the Vet at the shelter one last time; we're given some short-term medication to take home for a tooth she had removed the day before, signed the adoption papers and bingo, bango, she's ours. There we are ~ in our car driving our new pup home.

I just kept saying, "It's Kismet - how we found her and how she found us. It was all meant to be."

We went back and forth on ideas for names. Sophia is a lovely name but it is rather sophisticated for such a little furry bundle of joy.  We finally decided ~ it's Kismet. And we will call her Kizzie for short.

We will never forget her first night home. She hopped from the floor, to the ottoman, to my lap and jumped square into a pile of pillows on the couch. It was the cutest damn thing I've ever seen.

This morning I felt a joy I haven't felt in a long time. I took little Kizzie outside for a short walk. Back inside I fed her; she inhaled the food. Her little tail was going so fast I'm surprised she didn't fall over. I stayed in the kitchen to tidy up, turned around and saw this.

And I suddenly realized ~ every morning from now on my day will start like this. With this little soul looking to me for her every need ~ and the unconditional love I will receive in return? Well, you can't put a price on that.

When the sun rose I took her for a little longer walk.

Back home I gathered my things and headed up to my studio. I looked at her and said, "Come on Kizzie! Time to go to work." She flew up the stairs and took her place. 

Right where she should be.

Tonight we will give her her first bath and fluff up that adorable coat. She'll don her new collar and her new tag and it will all be absolutely official.

She is Kizzie. And she is ours.