Adios 2013. You Were Quite the Ride...

Before we are too far into 2014 and I tell myself I don't have time for this because there are 10 other things I am "supposed" to be doing ~ I want to reflect for a moment on 2013. Most of it was as unlucky as one might expect with the number 13 involved...

I think it all started with Boda.

When my son moved to Austin in May it wasn't in the cards to take Boda Kitty with him so The Mister and I happily welcomed her into our family. Four days later after our Vet discovered cancer and a large mass on her liver, we said an extremely tearful goodbye to beautiful Boda.

My son leaving and moving out of state was emotional for me as well. After college he had opted to live near home and for the first time in my 22 year relationship with my husband, we had no children in town. We were truly empty-nesters. Not that any of that is bad; it was just an adjustment. 

June, July and August brought biopsies and ultrasounds and diagnostic tests to see if, indeed, cancer was roaming around my body. I'm the lucky one; it wasn't. But the whole summer was fraught with stress, anxiety and fear.

September rolled around and we knew that our time with our beloved 16 year old dog, Simba, was coming to an end. Our girl just wasn't there anymore. Our Vet suspected a brain tumour as messages from her brain just weren't getting thru. She couldn't remember how to go up steps and eventually she couldn't remember how to eat. On September 3 we made one of the most devastating decisions we have ever had to make and said a final goodbye to our sweet girl. The grief was overwhelming and consumed us for days. We didn't know how - or why - the world kept on spinning...

For some reason ~ who knows why except maybe The Universe thought we deserved a break ~ things took a turn for the better near the end of September. We took a trip ~ one that had been planned for months but the timing was perfect ~ we needed new scenery and a reason to celebrate. And celebrate we did! We, and 100 of her closest's friends, celebrated the life of someone so dear, so loved ~ my Mom, happy and healthy, as she turned 95.

The clouds started clearing and the sun broke thru after that. Life began to look a little happier. That is probably what led us to almost instinctively and on auto-pilot stop by the local shelter one evening and walk thru the dog kennels. We didn't speak of it but we both knew -- we were not leaving without a dog. And indeed, it was Kismet.

And in that moment, life changed. Everything changed. Joy came into our lives as she jumped deep into our hearts, settled in and opened up shop.

A month later the puppets I had shed blood, sweat and tears (literally!) over from January thru March came to life in the form of an Apple iPad App called Puppet Play. And there was my name for all to see. Wow.

Later that month my Austin son made a visit and our time together was like putting on old slippers and wrapping a warm blanket around us.

The Mister and I closed out the year alone - together - doing our favorite things ~ watching movies, making delicious food ~ relaxing and taking time off from our crazy, hectic work lives.

And then there was the surprise of the year ~ losing 28 lbs (and counting). All due to giving up dairy, chocolate, eggs, most gluten and most soy. Who knew? 

So a year that ~ for the most part ~ sucked, it turned out alright. My faith in love and luck and laughter has been restored. Gratitude for good friends and a loving family in place. Even though my sons, now adults, recognize I am flawed, they like me anyway. The Mister is still my best friend and confidant. My love for my little dog is ridiculous. Now two days into 2014 I am still pondering where I want to go in this brave new year, who I want to be. 

So that post is on hold for the time being.  Adios 2013. It was a ride.

Boda's Gift

Some things in life are so heart-wrenching it takes time to realize what has happened. There are, of course, the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Some days I think I'm nearing acceptance; but then I find myself slipping back into denial and then all dressed in black here comes Mr. Depression again.

Because what happened two weeks ago just seems still so surreal that I'm stuck on... surreal.

My son was in the process of relocating and was not able to take his beloved cat. Long story short it was decided that 9 year old Boda cat would probably be better off staying in Denver with me, the Mister and our Senior Citizens

So Boda came to live with us

She was a shy kitty so we let her have her own space and observe the other four-legged furry people from a distance

Just as a matter of course we set up an appointment with our Veterinarian for a check-up for Boda later in the week.  After a couple of days we were concerned that she wasn't eating, so we moved the appointment up.

I won't go into great detail because dredging up all the facts is painful. Hell, looking at photos of her is painful.  Writing this (thru tears) is painful. Even thinking about all this is painful. Suffice it to say after many tests and examinations by two Vets, we learned the sweet girl had cancer and it was advanced.  We made the tough decision to say goodbye to her.

If anything can make that awful time less painful, our Vet did all she could.  She gave us as much time as we wanted with Boda ~ before, during and after.  We held her throughout and loved her beyond the end. The room was quiet and peaceful and reverent.  Oh and there were tears - lots of them. I remember at one point looking up thru my tears and seeing tears in the eyes of Dr. E.  That touched me so... 

But the pain didn't end there.Telling our son what had transpired was excruciating.

In the midst of all the despair, I had an epiphany, though. As I held that sweet girl and said goodbye, as I stroked her shiny black fur (that was another thing - she looked fine from the outside ~ made it all the harder); as I was saying goodbye I felt almost as though something from her came into me. A light bulb went off and I just knew. But I didn't say anything at the time; this was Boda's time.

Later that evening as we were driving thru the park on the way home from a business dinner (one that we had wanted to cancel but felt we couldn't) we were, of course, talking of Boda.  Out of the blue the Mister says, "I think we should adopt a cat. Not a kitten, an older cat like Boda."  

I almost cried. I probably did a little.  And I said, "I can't believe you just said that. Because I had that exact thought as I was holding Boda this morning and saying goodbye."

Things happen for a reason. We truly believe that Boda came into our lives for a reason. She opened our hearts and our minds to the possibility of welcoming another soul into our family. Our time with her was far too short. We had been so excited about having her with us. She was going to help us thru the transition ~ when 15.5 year old Simba and 20 year old A-choo passed on, Boda would be here for us. So the way it worked out was not the way it was supposed to go.

But she gave us a gift. In the months to come (or who knows - years?) ~ when we finally say goodbye to the one and only A-choo

the Mister and I are going to The Denver Dumb Friends League and adopt two adult cats. We really wanted to do it right away but out of respect for sweet ol' lady A-choo ~  we didn't want to stress her out in her final years.

But it is because of Boda and because of her gift that I knew I had to share her story ~ to honor her ~ to pay tribute to her. I hope she knows what an impact she had on us. 

I think this says it all ~ for dogs and cats

Thank you, Boda.  We love you forever and always.

Bless the Helpers

In light of yesterday's events - the bombings at the Boston Marathon - it's difficult to wake up with anything else on my mind.  Turn on the news - it's there front and center.  Read anything online - it smacks you in the face.

And of course, there has been a lot floating around Facebook about the tragedy. Was the attack the result of foreign-based enemies or homegrown?  (My gut tells me the latter and that makes it even worse.) Exactly what kind of bombs were they?  Will something on a security camera reveal everything?  And why - why would anyone do this? All these awful facts will roll out in time.

And unfortunately, there is little we as a society can do to protect ourselves against such random acts of evil.  As a friend of mine - a US Marshall - told me recently, "People want to think someone must be insane to do something awful like this [he actually was referring to the Aurora Theater Shooting of July 20, 2012; he is an investigator on the case].  But, Cindi, there are some people in the world that are just plain evil.  Just plain evil.

It's hard not to feel helpless.  To want to batten down the hatches, lock the doors and never go into the sunlight again.  But that's not realistic now, is it?

So we take a deep breath, we mourn the lost and we focus on the good in the world.  Because there's a helluva' lot of good in the world.  And it is a simple as this:

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'"  *Fred Rogers*

So as the events unfolded yesterday and the networks showed endless repetitive footage of the bombings - in all of the tragedy there were good things, too.  There were the helpers.  The helpers - rather than running away from the blasts - were running into them.  To help.  Without thought for their own well-being; they knew they were needed.

It immediately brought back thoughts - and images - from September 11, 2001. We all remember how the first responders - hundreds of them - ran into those buildings without hesitation.  They were the helpers.

The view from Windows on the World - 107th Floor, North Tower of the World Trade Center, New York City, NY - September 8, 2001

It also got me thinking about helpers on a smaller scale, on a local level.  On a family level. There is good all around us.

My mother-in-law told me once that she felt she was put on Earth to serve.  And she has served well ~ family and strangers alike.  I have known her for 22 years and she is one of the most altruistic, caring and giving people I have ever known.  

And then there's my Mom. She raised five kids, worked the night shift as a nurse at our local hospital and at 94 is still the one people turn to for help.  She is the epitome of helper ~ and someone I can only aspire to emulate.

I can sum them both up with one quote:

"A mother is a person - who seeing there are only four pieces of pie left for five people - promptly announces she never did care for pie." *Tenneva Jordan

That, my friends, describes Terry and Esther to a tee.  And trust me, they like pie.

So today, I'm choosing to look to the helpers and be grateful that there are those among us who put others' needs before their own.  

Bless the helpers and keep them safe.