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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Boda's Gift

Some things in life are so heart-wrenching it takes time to realize what has happened. There are, of course, the five stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Some days I think I'm nearing acceptance; but then I find myself slipping back into denial and then all dressed in black here comes Mr. Depression again.

Because what happened two weeks ago just seems still so surreal that I'm stuck on... surreal.

My son was in the process of relocating and was not able to take his beloved cat. Long story short it was decided that 9 year old Boda cat would probably be better off staying in Denver with me, the Mister and our Senior Citizens

So Boda came to live with us

She was a shy kitty so we let her have her own space and observe the other four-legged furry people from a distance

Just as a matter of course we set up an appointment with our Veterinarian for a check-up for Boda later in the week.  After a couple of days we were concerned that she wasn't eating, so we moved the appointment up.

I won't go into great detail because dredging up all the facts is painful. Hell, looking at photos of her is painful.  Writing this (thru tears) is painful. Even thinking about all this is painful. Suffice it to say after many tests and examinations by two Vets, we learned the sweet girl had cancer and it was advanced.  We made the tough decision to say goodbye to her.

If anything can make that awful time less painful, our Vet did all she could.  She gave us as much time as we wanted with Boda ~ before, during and after.  We held her throughout and loved her beyond the end. The room was quiet and peaceful and reverent.  Oh and there were tears - lots of them. I remember at one point looking up thru my tears and seeing tears in the eyes of Dr. E.  That touched me so... 

But the pain didn't end there.Telling our son what had transpired was excruciating.

In the midst of all the despair, I had an epiphany, though. As I held that sweet girl and said goodbye, as I stroked her shiny black fur (that was another thing - she looked fine from the outside ~ made it all the harder); as I was saying goodbye I felt almost as though something from her came into me. A light bulb went off and I just knew. But I didn't say anything at the time; this was Boda's time.

Later that evening as we were driving thru the park on the way home from a business dinner (one that we had wanted to cancel but felt we couldn't) we were, of course, talking of Boda.  Out of the blue the Mister says, "I think we should adopt a cat. Not a kitten, an older cat like Boda."  

I almost cried. I probably did a little.  And I said, "I can't believe you just said that. Because I had that exact thought as I was holding Boda this morning and saying goodbye."

Things happen for a reason. We truly believe that Boda came into our lives for a reason. She opened our hearts and our minds to the possibility of welcoming another soul into our family. Our time with her was far too short. We had been so excited about having her with us. She was going to help us thru the transition ~ when 15.5 year old Simba and 20 year old A-choo passed on, Boda would be here for us. So the way it worked out was not the way it was supposed to go.

But she gave us a gift. In the months to come (or who knows - years?) ~ when we finally say goodbye to the one and only A-choo

the Mister and I are going to The Denver Dumb Friends League and adopt two adult cats. We really wanted to do it right away but out of respect for sweet ol' lady A-choo ~  we didn't want to stress her out in her final years.

But it is because of Boda and because of her gift that I knew I had to share her story ~ to honor her ~ to pay tribute to her. I hope she knows what an impact she had on us. 

I think this says it all ~ for dogs and cats

Thank you, Boda.  We love you forever and always.

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