Until We Meet Again, Sweet Girl...

This is the post I have been dreading ~ but knew the day would come...

We said goodbye to our girl yesterday.  She made it to her sweet 16, but didn't last much beyond that.

In birthdays past she chomped on homemade peanut butter dog cookies

and homemade Pupcakes

She was a traveling dog from her early days and quickly adapted to long drives.

She made several trips to Iowa and was a good little hotel guest.  She traveled to the Bay Area in California and enjoyed a stop in Las Vegas on the way home.  She went to her first (and only) funeral in Peoria, Illinois and she loved downtown Chicago and the Omni Hotel and the North Shore.  On little "staycations" in Denver she was an honored guest at the Hotel Monaco (a blackboard in the lobby welcomed her) and she was a favorite at "Second Home" bar in the JW Marriott in Cherry Creek North.

She loved her Grandma

And visited Grandpa when she could.

Her neck would get tired - from holding up her big heavy brain - when she was "driving" (such a back seat driver) so we instinctively took turns helping her out.

And she was always happiest when we were on our way home.

She liked the mountains a lot.

And she liked being near the water

But not so much in the water.

And bridges - particularly swinging bridges  umm... nope.

She loved the park and knew every inch of our favorite trails.

She loved her Aunt Carolyn and Uncle Dick's Iowa farm because she could run wild and free off-leash.

She wasn't a fan of cold and snow ~ probably because I dressed her in warm coats.  I told her she was a fashionista.  Her Dad told her she looked ridiculous.

Her Aunt Christine (who she loved very much - and she showed this love by snarling at Christine every chance she got) gave her winter boots to protect her little toes.  She hated them.

It may have been why she snarled at her. 

She didn't like the rain much either.

She was half basenji and half blue heeler.  That translates to a feisty, whip-smart dog who sheds (basenjies don't shed), barks (basenjies don't bark) and yodels (basenjies do yodel).  

She liked the holidays and thought every present was for her.

And she loved her Grandpa and Gram - who were like second parents to her.

She tolerated her feline sister

And even liked her sometimes...

From the very start, she loved her Dad most of all.

And it was a love affair that would last her whole life.

She was funny

and beautiful

and full of surprises.

She was curious

and sniffed every blade of grass.

She was my every morning walking partner, my supportive studio mate, my sweet, sweet girl, my buddy. On September 11, 2001 while I sobbed watching the World Trade Center Towers fall, she sat right next to my feet all day to comfort me.  She didn't leave my side. Every day after Dad took her out for her morning tinkle she would bound up the stairs to my studio for her morning treat. The box sits next to my desk still. I don't want to move it. If I leave it maybe it means it didn't really happen. If I leave her bed in my studio maybe I'll wake up and this was all just a really bad dream.

She and I spent just about every day of her life together. We understood each other and loved each other. Very much. Saying goodbye to her is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I miss her. I will always miss her.

The world is a little colder today and there are big holes in our hearts. She took a piece of both of ours with her...  Whatever will we do without our girl?

I like to think that she is wandering in lovely meadows chasing after bunnies and squirrels ~ free of pain and full of joy.  

I love you, Boo. Until we meet again...

Balance. What a Concept.

A few years ago I would have done that circular hand gesture to my head (ala CA-RAAAAZY!) if you would have told me that this weekend I would practically be doing cartwheels (ok I can't really do cartwheels - that's why I said "practically." I faked them to make the cheerleading squad) ~ when for four days in a row my blood pressure has been in the 120's over the 80's.  Woohoo!

So, although most of the credit is most likely due to a new medication (yes, I hate the fact that I have to be on medication but I have no choice) I would like to think that I've made some lifestyle choices that have helped as well.

First ~ I had the luxury of having a couple of weeks off in July so I was able to step away from work a bit and do other things.  Like move my studio to a larger space.

This was quite a job - moving and organizing everything. 

But now that I am settled in, it was so worth it!

I had a few play dates with my Mister - Steve Martin, Edie Brickell and the Steep Canyon Rangers were fun.  We had a great dinner at Lucy's and a fun show at Comedy Works with Sherri Shepherd.  We had another great meal at Tamayo and then it was on to Cirque du Soleil and Amaluna. Next week we have dinner at Lucy's again and then on to Comedy Works to see Kevin Nealon.

Cirque never disappoints.  Ever.

Rather than drive 22 hours (round trip) across NE Colorado and Nebraska and halfway thru Iowa again (because after 39 years my head would explode if I had to do that One. More. Time.), when we visit my Mom for her 95th birthday in a couple of weeks, we opted to fly into Minneapolis. We'll mix in a little culture, art, shopping, great restaurants in the Twin Cities with our visit to Mom in Iowa.

And we're planning long-term for some very cool trips.

I'm really working on letting go of stress and unnecessary drama.

I'm being pro-active about my health - asking questions and pushing authority. Yeah, that's the rebel hippie chick making a comeback!

We hired a housekeeper. So oddly enough I now sit in my studio creating while every other Friday some little cleaning angel comes in and cleans my whole house.  What a concept...

My Mister recently was tested for food allergies and since - as he says - he is allergic to just about everything but oxygen  ~ we've made some big changes in our diet. I was tested, too, and although my results aren't in yet, I'm assuming I will have many of the same restrictions. And besides... we're a team.

So I rid the pantry of everything containing gluten, dairy, eggs, soy and beef.

Not that there would be beef in the pantry.

Obviously booze is not off the table.

We're eating healthier.

And I promised myself I would resume (yet again) my morning regime.  Work the body, clear the head and open it to creative and positive thoughts.

Peace and love, baby... peace and love. 

And normal blood pressure. Even though I am now in my busiest few months of the year I am striving to hang on to this.  If I'm not careful I might actually find balance. Omg. What a concept.

58 years, 8 months and 29 days ~ or there abouts

I'll be turning 59 in a couple of months and when the early morning hours nudged me awake a bit ago, I laid in bed and thought about that for awhile. 

When I started this blog and decided to call it "Walking on the Edge of the Knife" it was because I had recently visited an inspirational Georgia O'Keefe exhibit at the Denver Art Museum. Little did I know how prophetic that phrase would turn out to be...

My 58th year has been unlike any other. There have been rewarding, challenging, surprising, exhausting, happy and fun times ~ both professionally and personally.  Some of it I can talk about; some I can't.  Mixed in have been days of sadness, days of fear, days of confusion. Some of it I can talk about; some I can't.  

Probably the same could be said of any life.  Everyone's life is a mixture of good and... not so good.  The thing I am seeing, though, looking down the road into my 6th decade is ~ everything has an expiration date.  Everything. 

My youthful sense of immortality no longer exists and I am left with these questions: How do I make the most of what I have left?  How do I come to terms with what The Universe has brought me? How do I make the world a better place for others and at the same time, make my days personally fulfilling?

My daily calendar pops up on my screen and along with my usual reminders to pay this bill, make this appointment is a reminder that our Anniversary is in 6 days. 

20 years... don't they go by in a blink...

And there's the reminder to call my doctor to follow up on some things. Things that weren't even on my radar a year ago are now daily thoughts.

And the reminder that every day is Christmas in the studio now - get crackin'. I don't have as many 3 am anxiety attacks over my work as I used to. I've settled into a comfortable routine ~ a nice repertoire with my shop owners and customers. I've become more organized and more efficient so my stress level isn't where it used to be when it comes to my Whee Ones (and holiday time in particular). But still ~ Christmas is in, like, three days. At least in my head.   

Call Mom - as I usually do on Thursdays.

I don't see my Mom often ~ she's in Iowa and I'm in Colorado. I will see her in a couple of weeks to celebrate with her as she turns 95. And I am left wondering ~ will it be her last birthday? Or will she be like her friend, Mildred, who at 102 just recently gave up living independently and moved into an assisted living facility.

One thing I don't need to see on my calendar, because it is in my mind constantly is ~ check on Simba.  

At age 16 and a couple of weeks we have seen a steady decline in our girl's health in the past few days and we know her time with us is growing short. And it is breaking our hearts. Of course it is a fact that most humans outlive their pets. But it doesn't make it any easier to accept.

Everything ~ everyone ~ has an expiration date.

And no amount of love can change that.

Friday Fun Stuff

Just some random images from the week (most shot with Lensbaby Scout and Fisheye op) ~~

And a couple non-Lensbaby things ~~

Quack.

And honk.